Life on life's terms

Posts tagged ‘addiction’

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Daily post/sad but true

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/daily-prompt-harsh/

Well, I have been friends with this person since middle school and he is now dead. I miss him dearly. He always told me how things were. I wore my feelings on my shoulders so, he was extra harsh in his opinions in my eyes. This daily post reminded me of the time he told me how I was REALLY!

It was a normal conversation we were having. We both came from a shady background.  I always considered myself as being an”ethical” drug addict. I am clean and sober now. But, that’s a story for another day. Anyway, to be a drug addict you must do something’s that are not so nice in order to get your next fix. The old saying goes “You got to do one of three things to feed your addiction, wheel, deal, or steal.” Sad but true that is how it is.
Now, that sets you with a brief synopsis on my world in my eyes at the topic of what it takes to be an addict. I proclaimed to my friend this about myself. I felt I was an ethical drug addict! After all, in my blurred vision, I didn’t steal, I didn’t barter or trade goods or services for drugs, so I wasn’t a wheeler. And I didn’t deal. (At that point in my addiction I hadn’t done any of that)
I got my drugs with money or for free. Now, my friend says to me.”SHIT, I HAVE WATCHED YOU TAKE A PERSONS LAST DOLLAR AND THEY GIVE IT TO YOU WILLINGLY AND THANK YOU FOR TAKING IT. LEAVING THEM WITH NOTHING.”(he meant metaphorically)  In other words I was a con! He said I used my charm to get people to do what I wanted. He said I used people! Oh my gosh was I applaud!  He was telling me like it was though. We were in our teens during this conversation and I guess I felt I was really being an addict that had morals and scruples. Wow, I was naive. 
Later on in my addition I did end up doing all three of those things in one form or another. My morals and values were gone!
I’m glad to say my life is finally different and drug free. However,  I have always remembered his words so I recognize that character flaw popping up in my new life.
My friend called it as he saw it. Sad but true it was………

Taking care of myself

I needed to have a goal added to this blogging and my living life on life’s terms. So, I added a new category and titled my first post Taking care of myself. I have been going through a lot. I realized that I have let myself totally go! Several factors played into this and they are facts like going through a separation after 25 years of marriage, my children growing up and making choices of their own, feeling not needed by them anymore, drama that comes with having to make ends meet financially and they don’t, wanting everyone in your entire family to get along at every moment, just plain worrying about everyone and everything else besides myself and my mental and physical health and well-being.

You see, I thought that in my 40’s I would be settled with my husband in 2 recliners watching TV or something silly like that. It’s funny I never saw me smiling in this visualization. But, I visualized contentment. Well, life and a higher power had other things in mind for me.

So, here I sit with a choice to make. Change now that the door is open and I can smell the sense of the many choices I can make on my very own. I have slowly let myself go and waited silently still not ready to dip my toe completely into the great lake of change. Oh, don’t get me wrong I made a couple of pretty major changes. I moved from the pacific coast all the way to southern USA! I became clean and sober. I got the wants! I didn’t know for what. I don’t think I still do exactly. But, I am learning to grown and reinvent yourself. While still living life on life’s terms and everything that comes along with that is a process. It has begun this process I feel the changes. Taking care of myself is my first topic of importance.  I will be resting for a bit because I need to. I have to stay away from social media and people and just be alone.

If you have some suggestions on stuff like meditation for dummies, or eating well on a budget of a poper, letting your grown children make stupid choices they will live to regret and shutting your mouth about it all, menopause oh boy menopause. Keep in mind I am going to become very informed on issues that will make myself better but I can’t understand what I read unless it is in laymen’s terms. I have a high school education that is very old now. I want to know what helped you. If you would like to share.

Bye bye for now just a day maybe two……

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Best ever moment award/nomination/speech

First, let me thank http://layedbacklife.com for the nomination. Tammy, you inspire me almost daily as I go through my life changing events. I do truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.

http://layedbacklife.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/best-moment-award/ 

My best moment or time period

I am going to begin with the best moment or time period of my life. On my About page on my blog I said very little about myself. That is because my blog posts will introduce me and what makes me tick as I go on this life changing  journey that I am on. I am truly a work in progress! Stay tuned much more to come.

I have lived a very different life than most. The good things that have happened to me are few it seems. And, that is not me feeling sorry for myself that is just the facts. I am a survivor of child molestation, rape, spousal abuse, substance abuse, homelessness, poverty, to name a few. I choose to let my past be my past and my future be endless. Someone told me once the past is not what defines you. I fully try to live like that now. I am clean and sober. Managed to raise three sons who are productive members of society. I had a marriage that lasted 25 years.  July 24, 2012 I choose to change my life. I moved 2,500 miles away from my home town. I have begun fresh and new.

This brings me to the happiest moment or time period of my life. I have thought long and hard and for most mother’s the answer is when I had my children. That is the truth for me also. I gave birth to my kids clean and sober. Those were the very best moments ever. But, I would like to go out on a limb here and choose now, right here, right now. Please, do not think for a moment the birth of my children will top anything but this is up there pretty close to it. Today, I have the freedom of choice. Today, I experience something new since the kids are grown and the ex is gone. This year I went out to an ice cream all by myself! I was terrified! I choose what I wanted not what everyone else wanted me to get so they could have a bite of it. Today, I have been given back the freedom to choose how I live my life and the company I keep. I created a little guide in my mind of how to manage simple tasks alone. You see, I was a woman who worked and handed over her paycheck to her husband. I choose to have a budget today. Wow, do I have my days of menopausal hell! But, I choose to go to the Dr and take care of myself. My mental health issues are plenty but I choose to not-self medicate today. This moment in time for a woman like me is new and exciting and scary too! But, next to having my kids this new life is my moment my time to shine.

Now for my acceptance speech

Hello my fellow bloggers I am here today nominated for this prestigious award by a blogger that caught my attention and quickly gained my respect for her opinions on many matters. Thlayedbacklife  aka Tammy Green author of http://layedbacklife.com Thank you very much Tammy and I hope I have done you proud.  I would also like to thank www.wordpress.com for opening up the world of blogging to me.  Now, on to the people who have been by my side through all my trials and tribulations. They helped me to be able to have this new special moments in time. First, there is my mother Sharon Aldrich, thank you for never giving up on me. Second, I would like to thank the following authors and publishers who have taught me new ways to deal with life on life’s terms. Louise Hay publisher and author of many self-help books you can locate more about her at www.hayhouse.com she is an awesome inspiration for women. Dr Wayne Dryer’s books are a great motivation. One of my favorites is Wishes fulfilled: mastering the art of manifesting. And last of the professionals that helped me along this journey is Deepak Copra I love his many affirmations and quotes but there is a blog that taught me a lot about dealing with many things especially stress. Here is a link to that blog http://kripalu.org/blog/thrive/ Lastly, I have to thank my kids for sticking by me and believing in me even when I didn’t. Mason, Mark, and Matthew Harris.  I thank each and every one of you for visiting my blog and reading my speech. My your spiritual guide be with you as mine has me. Thank you to my spiritual connection who I choose to call God for letting me live in these very precious moments or change and choice, and ultimate freedom to be and do anything I choose!

 

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More ramblings

Ok, I have been cruising so many blogs I’m blog crazy! I have twenty followers now! I have been thinking about how much of myself I’m going to reveal of the true me. I think eventually I will reveal all but maybe I will do it little by little. Like excerpts from my life. I hope this will be a more entertaining way to read about me. So, I’m just going to start with a few bios. This in a nutshell is me…..

My name is Annette Harris born 8/20/1969 I’m a mother of three sons. They are all grown now with lives of their own. I have been married 25 years but have not lived with my husband for at least 3 years. I’m an addict but today I’m clean. I’ve been homeless and ate at food pantries. I also was a medical billing specialist for ten years so I know both sides of life. My favorite color is orange! I love and adore this color. It warms my heart! I’m a Leo through and through! I’m not religious but I’m spiritual. I have one sister and a brother that’s dead. I’m expecting my first grandchild this September! It is a girl! I’ve not begun to date or even looked. I’m in a total mid life crisis. Well, kinda, my life is good it’s my mind that is gone it seems. Guess that comes with menopause and mental health issues from ruining my brain cells with dope? I’m a very fluffy woman with a sunshiny disposition! I love with all I am. I’m a good listener and friend. I neglect myself and have low self esteem. That in a nutshell is me!

More to come later…..

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