Life on life's terms

Posts tagged ‘divorce’

Shocker

Well, I haven’t been with my husband in 3 years but have.been intimate during this time. I don’t want to be with him.  But, he moved in with a old girlfriend and it hurts! I’m not sure how to feel or get.over this. I have been with him since I was 15 years old. We have been married 25 yrs now. Apart 3 of those. But, my problem is I love him. I haven’t slept with anyone else. But, I did date other people. I found myself still loving him. I wanted us to work. To much water under the bridge. How can I make the hurt go away and the love?

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Update

I sit alone again but now I am not alone. I have a puppy. I named her Penelope and she has bought me a lot of joy. I have had writer’s block aka PTSD, ANEXITY, DEPRESSION, MENOPAUSE.  Need I say more? Yes, oh yea I do!
I haven’t been with my husband in 3 years. But, I still love him.  I have tried to change it but I still love him. The difference is today I realize that I cannot be with.him and I am not in love with.him. BUT, IT KILLES ME THAT HE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE! So, I’m dealing with those emotional issues now. That I know if can overcome. But, it still hurts.

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Daily prompt/ standstill

wpid-IMG_20130911_200603.jpgIt’s rather early but I am going to give this the good old college try anyway. It was around 5am as usual my house is quiet. This has been this way since June when I moved into my first home alone. After leaving mom’s nest at 15 then straight to a house with a husband that soon was filled with babies. Well, 25 years of the hussle and bussle of those mornings motherhood brand this morning was quiet again.
I’ve taken time to adjust to single life. Gotten over the empty nest syndrome. Then, 3 weeks ago my first grandbaby arrived!  A precious little girl! After 3 sons wow she is awesome!  So, as a new grandma my morning tweak would be to have her with me. As well as having my son’s, their spouses, my mom and sister here with. Two of my son’s life 2,500 miles away. So does my sister. Heck I would even tolerate the ex just to have us all together!
On the other side of the spectrum my mommy is here visiting. After not seeing her for 14 months, I would like each day she is here to stand still! I’m cherishing every second with her.
So,there is my take on time freezing. The jest of it all love, peace, happiness, and family!

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Looking for Mr.right on a dating site? Smart or dumb?

Finally, ready to date after 3 years of morning the loss of a 25 year marriage.  It’s time right? I’m totally scared of this dating thing. And I don’t do bars nor do I go to church. Both places to meet new people.I moved accross the USA. So, I don’t know many people. Where does a menopausal woman with no clue about dating this day and age start?
Hearing stories that this person met her husband online or another is dating from meeting off an online dating site. So began my journey to online dating.
My good friend warned me about men just looking for sex period. I opened an account on a free site a few weeks ago. Boy, was my friend right! I was bombarded with private messages about my breasts. You see I’m no Barbie. I’m curved and beautiful.  This took me forever to see myself that way. Anyway,  I had to change my profile bluntly stating I will not send nude pics nor will I kiss or screw on the first date. I said if you are looking for a booty call look elsewhere!  Can you believe the messages still continue?
Well, I met one nice guy so I thought!  We exchanged numbers and talked many times. I thought we clicked. Out of the blue he calls and said he isn’t looking for anything serious only sex. Wow, he smoothed talked me almost into possibly meeting him. You see he grew impatient! I was busy for a week with my new grandbaby and hadn’t had a chance to answer his messages. I forewarned him I was going to be busy!
I just can’t see any point in online meeting people. Seems to me sex sex sex is all that is wanted!  Where is a girl to go to meet someone that can keep it in his pants at least until I say yes! 
Any suggestion welcome!

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Heat is bad in Oklahoma

I am so hot today! With the heat ones it feels like 115 degrees so the news says that anyway! That darned heat index is killing me! I am drenched from head to toe from the humidity.
I live alone now after 25years of marriage it’s over. I’m over it but why I’m talking about it is because this heat drove me to an insanely,wonderfully,blissful, taste of my new found freedom! My dishes needed done as well as my bathroom needed cleaning. So,after running errands in this horrific heat I came home and stripped naked, yes naked, door was locked, curtains closed, I did my house cleaning in the buff! NOTHING WIERD OR SEXUAL IN ANY WAY! It was just about my freedom. I no longer felt trapped and confined. Some may read this and judge me. Oh yeah, I don’t care what people think anymore. I matter and I felt great. I beat the heat and got my household stuff done all while learning to be free.

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Daily prompt/ a mystery in an enigma

Tell us something about yourself nobody knows. I am a 43-year-old woman who for the first time in my life I live alone. No kids, they are all grown and on their own. No husband after 25 years of marriage. So, what I have learned recently is that I am afraid of the dark. This may seem silly but I have always had someone in my home with me. So, now I can’t sleep without a light on because I hear every creek and crack that go bump in the night. There you go world you now know my secret and I hope you all don’t tell anyone!

Taking care of myself

I needed to have a goal added to this blogging and my living life on life’s terms. So, I added a new category and titled my first post Taking care of myself. I have been going through a lot. I realized that I have let myself totally go! Several factors played into this and they are facts like going through a separation after 25 years of marriage, my children growing up and making choices of their own, feeling not needed by them anymore, drama that comes with having to make ends meet financially and they don’t, wanting everyone in your entire family to get along at every moment, just plain worrying about everyone and everything else besides myself and my mental and physical health and well-being.

You see, I thought that in my 40’s I would be settled with my husband in 2 recliners watching TV or something silly like that. It’s funny I never saw me smiling in this visualization. But, I visualized contentment. Well, life and a higher power had other things in mind for me.

So, here I sit with a choice to make. Change now that the door is open and I can smell the sense of the many choices I can make on my very own. I have slowly let myself go and waited silently still not ready to dip my toe completely into the great lake of change. Oh, don’t get me wrong I made a couple of pretty major changes. I moved from the pacific coast all the way to southern USA! I became clean and sober. I got the wants! I didn’t know for what. I don’t think I still do exactly. But, I am learning to grown and reinvent yourself. While still living life on life’s terms and everything that comes along with that is a process. It has begun this process I feel the changes. Taking care of myself is my first topic of importance.  I will be resting for a bit because I need to. I have to stay away from social media and people and just be alone.

If you have some suggestions on stuff like meditation for dummies, or eating well on a budget of a poper, letting your grown children make stupid choices they will live to regret and shutting your mouth about it all, menopause oh boy menopause. Keep in mind I am going to become very informed on issues that will make myself better but I can’t understand what I read unless it is in laymen’s terms. I have a high school education that is very old now. I want to know what helped you. If you would like to share.

Bye bye for now just a day maybe two……

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