Life on life's terms

Posts tagged ‘New beginnings’

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Giving back

Don’t you think about what is your purpose in life? Why am I here? I have been pondering this a lot in my new life. I have wasted many useful years that I can take back or make up for. So, instead of dwelling on what I haven’t done I am trying to think of ways to make a difference. I had this idea to give back to charities that have helped me. My first attempt at doing this flopped and it discouraged me!
I decided to go to a local food pantry to volunteer my time. Mind you I have only gotten help from this one three times! I only went for help when desperate!  And many people go to every food pantry every month. Basically using them as they were not intended. I was never one of these types of people.  Not that they are bad. But, there are people who abuse charitable giving.
Well, I was so excited to give back and was promptly told no. Because I had gotten help in the past it was a conflict of interest for me to help there. I was saddened.  I don’t understand their policy nor have I ever heard of any charity turning down help!
So, my search continues for the right place for me to give back. Until then I shall continue doing little random acts of kindness as I ponder the question what is my purpose in life.

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Letter to self

Dear Annette,

Hello old friend. I decided that it was time I told you how I really feel about you. I hope you can take all I have to say. It is not going to be all bad but I feel it’s time someone called you up on you progress on your process of self improvement. So, put your big girl panties and read on.
First, you know you are still letting your old friends hang around. You know who they are exactly!  Their names are self pity, low self esteem, self doubt, loathing, sadness, pain, heartbreak, broken, and misery. Those friends I see hanging around you still. We talked about this and there is no room or time to entertain them in your new life! I guess you need to go back to putting the alarm on at all times so these intruders stay away from you. Use your words Annette to keep them away. Remember the words like, I am worth it, I love myself, I am beautiful, happiness is obtainable, kindness, grateful, breathe, relax, prayer, meditation, are all words those old friends of yours hate.
Now, you have improved a lot! You need to remember how you use to walk with your head down? You cried all the time until you became a catatonic robot. Gosh, those drug induced stupors you lived in almost brought you to death more than once. Not many people walk away from the traumatic things you have. Wow, you are a miracle! That’s why I writing you. The past few weeks have been rough on you. Barely getting out of bed! I’m so afraid of loosing you. Your journey began in June 2012. Celebrate how far you have came my beautiful friend. Continue healing mentally and take better care of your physical self also. I know your pain is real. Don’t accept that you have to remain that way. Yes, your body is facing illnesses that cause you to become depressed and sad. Keep seeing your doctor and try new methods of healing or easing the pain. Get back to eating right too. Remove the word fat from your mind. Speaking of your mind. Will you really try to start each day with prayer, meditation, and positive affirmations. When you were religiously starting your day that way you were happy everyday.
I’m just asking you to look at you and how far you have come and get out of your rut. Your goals and dreams are happening.  Always remember where you came from but keep those dear old friends away.
I’m very proud of you and love you with all my heart. Remember that!

Always yours,
Annette

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