I haven’t been wanting to write deeply. So, these daily post suggestions suck to me. I am going to approach this prompt differently. You see there have been many times I felt unsafe. Picking one that I can describe so the person reading it can actually feel my fear and uneasiness is a hard one! So, in order for me to get out of my writers block I am going to write a short fiction story on this topic. Yes, I know that’s a cop out I know. But, sometimes a girl needs a break from working on touchy subjects.
It was just getting dark and I was riding my bike as fast as I could to beat the darkness. Plus, being only ten mom wanted me home before dark. Well, my chain resides to come off right as in front of the house me and all my friends know is haunted. Great just great I couldn’t get my chain back on and now it was dark! I started hearing things all around me. I was so afraid of what was coming to get me that I pissed my pants and began to cry as I pushed my bike quickly home. I saw people watching me from every dark corner and I knew this was the end someone was going to kill me. Right before I got home. Just as my house came into view. Something brushed my leg! I screamed bloody murder until I realized it was my darned bike chain. I reached the safety of my yard and through down my bike, tore in my front door and ran to my room. Mom was yelling something but I wanted out of my wet clothes and my tears to dry before I had to face her. I never felt so unsafe one moment and completely safe the next as I did that day.
Ok y’all there is my fictional story on feeling safe. Funny thing is I think every kid has a story of when they first felt unsafe. To bad parents have to tell children don’t be out after dark or this could happen. Don’t talk to strangers or they might do this. We as parents in today’s society have had no choice but to teach our kids to fear. We do it only to keep them safe.
When I read this idea the first thing that came to mind is when my kids were really young and tried to tell me something or show me something they could do.
There were countless times that one or all wanted my attention and even if I patiently waited for them to show or tell me my mind was on other things. Dishes, laundry, dinner, or life’s many drama’s. I wished I completely focused on what they were doing. Dozens of skits or plays were acted out just for me. If only I could remember them now.
I am a grandma now and I intend on paying close attention to everything my grandchildren do or ask of me and for me. Dishes, laundry, and anything else can wait. I plan on living in the here and now with them.
My middle son came to me a few years back and out of the blue stated he was joining the Army National Guard! I didn’t see this coming. I didn’t raise my kids around guns even, so he didn’t even know how to shoot! I was afraid! Needless to say he participated in operation Iraqi freedom (the withdrawal of our troops) and I became patriotic (I always thought I was before but I really supported our country since then with much more gusto) I sent boxes over to my son and became educated more in our government and it’s decisions. So,yes indeed I am patriotic and I love my country!
If I had the power to enact one single law it would have to be that everyone no matter the gender has the right to marry in every state. I would have these marriages recognized in all legal matters, adoption, custody, medical family leave acts, medical insurance for spouse, and many other things I feel that gay folks have been robbed of!
Don’t get me wrong I am not gay. Not that that matters! However, my big sister is and has been her whole life. I watched her love her partner and want to marry but couldn’t. I watched them raise 2 kids and because my sister didn’t give birth to them she couldn’t take them to the hospital, enroll them in school, or anything that had to be consented by a parent. These kids, my niece and nephew, are productive members of today’s society. They did not grow up gay, as some argue because they were being raised by gays! But, our family as a whole have watched the ones we love be in love just like a any other couple. Having lived and watched a true love not able to marry always hurt me for my sissy. THAT IS THE LAW I WOULD ENACT NO MATTER HOW CONTERVERSAL IT IS!
What is love? My interpretation of the word depends on the situation or circumstance I am in at the time. When I was young I loved unconditionally everyone and everything. My view of people and this world were different then. I viewed it through the eyes of a child. The love you give and receive from or to a child is a unique and often unexplainable. What I mean by that is as a child we love our parents, siblings, friends, and relatives because we just do! When you are experiencing the love you have for a child, whatever your relation to them is, it is a special and priceless love. One no words can describe.
What is love that one may have for an object such as the ocean, trees, or a natural gift of nature? That to me is a love that grows individually inside you as you grow. Some may have a religious belief that believes this world we live in was created by God. Some may believe earth was created from a molecule. The point is that it is a different kind of love for each of us based on our likes, dislikes and beliefs. How amazing is that?
What is love that we have when we choose to marry or be with as a partner in life? Well, for me at first it was a giggly, bubbly, cheery kind of love. For others it maybe that they just know by a feeling they get when they look at that person. Some in this world grow to love who the don’t at first love. When you love your soul mate it is entirely different from the other types of love we experience in our lifetimes. It’s another love words cannot do justice to. It is a more mature love than the love we feel as children. Sadly sometimes those loves we think will last forever and then they don’t crush or idea of that kind of true love.
Last but not least what is the love you have for yourself? That is something that must happen or the other kinds of love are not felt properly or as indented. I feel this is the most important love. We should be teaching our children to love themselves at a young age. Our world has made it so hard to bring a child up to love and believe in themselves. I was raised with love and felt love and have given love but I truly have just begun to start to love myself. As this is happening the many loves I can be experiencing around me are coming to look different. They are meaning more. I am loving new things too! To love yourself is to love all there is to love and so much more!
Ok, so I am getting the hang of this blog thing. I like it but find myself holding back some. I guess that comes from a fear that someone may not like what I have to say. So, my hope is that as I continue my blogging journey I will open myself up more and more. I was reading a blog earlier that talked about living in the moment. My problem is finding ANY moment to just LIVE in! My life has become so mundane that I relish in nothing. My kids are all grown with lives of their own. My marriage of 25 years is no longer in existence. I no longer have drugs and booze to turn to. Boo hoo, poor me right? Not really, I’m thankful for the life I have today. I’m just bored! I need a time consuming hobby and I need it F A S T before my moments are none. I’m 43 waiting for life to begin. I got to remember I am the only one to change or begin anything.
If I could clone myself she would have an amazing figure, very successful in business, she would not have the mental illnesses I have been blessed with. Regrets, she would have none. This me would be just a vivid memory and I would really become my clone. I would only want the same children I have now. They are wonderful and are the only things I have done right. My perfect cones life would involve them. My clone would have never made the same parenting mistakes I did. She would have been the perfect mother to my wonderful sons. If I could clone myself I would become new!